Jan
07
2016
How to communicate a difficult message
By Jakki Bendell.
An important part of being a leader is that sometimes you have to deliver a difficult message – one that is high-stakes, where opinions vary and/or where emotions run high.
Whether you are delivering bad news to a group of external stakeholders, your employees, or an individual member of your team, these guidelines will help you handle these situations well.
Start with yourself
The key to delivering a difficult message is having a clear belief in yourself and your role, along with respect for others. Start by asking yourself:
- What do you really want from this communication? For yourself? For others? For the relationship?
- What would success look like?
Avoid ‘clever’ stories that aim to manipulate rather than influence or persuade. For example, portraying the other as the villain (it’s all your fault), helplessness (there’s nothing I can do!) or Hobson’s choice (either this/or that – no alternatives).
Look for mutual purpose
Then consider your audience. What do you know about them? What are their priorities and prejudices regarding the issue?
Try to find something positive you can agree on. For example, recent trading has been disappointing, but we all want to find ways for the organisation to meet expectations. This moves the mind-set from mutual blaming to proactive problem solving.
Use the CEO structure – Cushion, Evidence, Opinion
When you are actually delivering the message, pay attention to structure.
People tend not to listen until they feel acknowledged or validated. Start by acknowledging the other person’s perspective, even if you disagree with them. Use statements like ‘I can understand why you might say…’, or ‘you obviously feel very strongly about…’ Once your listener feels heard, they are more likely to be receptive to your story.
Then share your factual evidence, clearly and concisely. Be careful to make a distinction between facts and opinion, and present the facts first – don’t start with your story.
For example, present the trading figures before you move onto your interpretation of them, or what you think should be done about it. Be clear when you are presenting opinions: ‘The way I see it…’
Mind your language
Some phrases are almost guaranteed to create a negative reaction. What do you hear when someone says these phrases?
- ‘What you’ve got to do/understand is…’ (I’m not interested in what you think)
- ‘What you mean is…’ (I know what you mean better than you do)
- ‘Let’s be realistic for a moment’ (Because obviously you’re not being realistic)
- ‘With respect…’ (Whatever comes next, it’s not going to be respectful)
And your body language
Language is important, but don’t underestimate non-verbal communication. Long-standing research has shown this accounts for up to 97% of your message.
Stand or sit up straight, with your head up. Make eye contact (but don’t stare). And be aware of your facial expressions – it’s OK to frown to show disagreement, but avoid grimacing.
Keep your gestures open. Keep the palms of your hands facing up to invite dialogue, rather than down, closing off the conversation.
LISTEN actively
Effective leaders know that listening is the greater part of excellent communication skills, and this is especially true when you’re delivering a difficult message. The LISTEN scheme provides a practical approach:
Look and be interested
Inquire with questions
Stay on target – remember the purpose of the communication
Test your understanding – use reflective questions: ‘So what you’re saying is…’
Evaluate the speaker’s message
Neutralise your feelings
As a leader or senior manager, you know that how you communicate is as important as the content of the message itself and investment in developing communication skills is never wasted. Give us a call to find out more about our Advanced communication at work skills course.
Jakki Bendell has over ten years' experience as a consultant, trainer and coach specialising in business writing skills. As a practising professional writer, Jakki draws on a wealth of stories and personal experience to illustrate her courses.
