Jul
03
2014
Assertiveness tips: say what you mean and mean what you say (and stick with it!)
We train others how to handle us by the way we handle them - by lying down we train them to walk all over us. You can begin to break negative patterns with others in the following ways:
Determine what it is they do that you don't like and confront the situation. Be as clear and specific as possible
For example:
Saying to someone ‘you treat me unfairly' isn't concrete enough. Saying ‘you leave two-thirds of the workload for me to do' is both observable and measurable. And it opens the door to a way forward and possible solutions.
Try to work out what it is that you do that makes others act the way they do towards you
For example:
Look at your own behaviour and practices. Complaining about others directly or to your boss is unlikely to be constructive or produce any positive change. Looking at how you handle situations and altering the way you react or behave is more likely to invite and motivate others to change too.
Figure out how and when to say no - then do it!
For example:
Instead of doing two-thirds of the workload and resenting it, stop when you have done your share! Other people won't do what they should if you are always doing it for them.
Remember retraining others takes persistence
Having broken your own negative patterns of behaviour keep doing your part until others change too!
Let your Yes be Yes and your No be No.
This article is taken from our Assertiveness skills: a practical approach training course. This one day course gives you the skills and confidence to present your ideas and opinions in ways that enable you to feel heard and respected. Read full course outline.
